This is my exodus!
I wasn’t much of a Christian. I was brought up in a catholic church, where they taught me about God but I didn’t know him personally. I hadn’t experienced him for myself yet. I wasn’t taught how to have a relationship with him. I was forced by my parents to take my communion and go to church every Sunday. It was a chore for me, a ritual that I didn’t enjoy. Becoming a rebellious teenager when I came of age, given a choice to go to church or not, I chose not to. Which is where I believe my downfall began.
As I grew older, being in a world surrounded by social expectations, peer pressure and not having an outlet for anger or disappointments; I looked to alcohol for an escape. I was drinking at the age of 13, with my parents being in the dark. There was a time I drank too much at a party, having had several black outs and choked on my own vomit. I now know it was by the grace of God that my cousin saw me and turned me over to the side, which could’ve very well saved my life. Back then, I had feelings of being lost and alone after I had put my heart in the hands of boys, only to leave me being disappointed time and time again. The standards of society would have you think you need a significant other to make you feel whole as if there is a part of you missing. Sadly, I was seeking that part for a long time. In looking for someone to complete me, I lost myself in the process. I was loving them more than they loved me, afraid to see the truth and afraid to be alone. Relationship after relationship, ending after ending; my heart broke more and more every single time. Thoughts of suicide would go in and out of my mind.
I had a need for something but I didn’t know what it was. God used my mother to bring me to Chambers Memorial Baptist Church for Boxing and Anger Management. Never did I ever imagine life would bring me back to church, the very same place I tried to escape years prior. It had never crossed my mind that what I needed was Jesus. God ordered my steps and brought me in the presence of his anointed shepherd, Bishop Lawrence Edgerton Sr, who gave me the word of God.
The word uplifted me and gave me the self esteem that I needed to take a stand. I was in a relationship at the time, loving him more than he loved me and reliving the cycle of pain and heartbreak. The word opened my eyes to no longer be blind but to see the things I had refused to see before and gave me the power I needed to let go. The word helped me see that I was never alone and God was always with me. God had his hands on me even when I was my own worst enemy.
I know now that I could've died had God not be watching over me. Being in this ministry has helped me in ways that I never would have imagined. God took the need for alcohol away from me to the point that I can’t even stand the smell of it. Bishop has taught me God always provides us with an escape, the reason we stay stuck is only because we choose to remain that way. My escape is in Jesus! I have learned to love myself, feeling complete with just me and Jesus. Today I am happy. Today I am at peace. I have chosen to be free in Jesus' name and no longer tied down by worldly expectations. This is my exodus! God has delivered me!